Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
