If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
