Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
