If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
