Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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