She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
pop tarts are not kleenex
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize