Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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