It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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