You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize