At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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