If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
