Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
