Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
