Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
