At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
