I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
