found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
