Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
if only i could text you this smell
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
