We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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