OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Text me some of your sweat
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize