my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I deserve this hangover.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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