I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
