I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
