Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
