I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
