he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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