I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
