Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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