I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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