Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
