using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
