btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
