we have officially lost it.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
