Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize