grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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