if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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