remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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