Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize