Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
