I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the condom got lost in my hair
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
