I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
