Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
