Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
How's work?
Spinning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
