he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
