just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize