life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
the raccoons are back...
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