College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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