you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
