My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
