i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
