New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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