i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
