My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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