ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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