It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
