I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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