I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
