Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
