Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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