Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
