She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
