didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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