We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
