how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
