I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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