so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
