honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
