isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
