Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
