I hate your face
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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