it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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