I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize