someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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