Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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