I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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