I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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