are you still at the devil's house?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
