I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
