Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
