just come out here and I will go home with you...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
