She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
